![]() Miss Manners agrees that you will still have to express thanks, but perhaps friends who have not been instructed to make donations will be more inclined to grieve with you. One brings food or flowers as a sign of respect - and to provide the widow or child some immediate assistance as they grieve. They are not even gifting opportunities, as the honoree unfortunately is no longer in a position to derive any pleasure from the thoughtfulness of their loved ones. With due deference both to the American entrepreneurial spirit and to your own loss, funerals are not fundraising opportunities. GENTLE READER: By not encouraging donations at all. ![]() Why do people ignore the grieving family's wishes? And what is an appropriate way to respond without encouraging the gesture in the future? Nonetheless, we wrote thank-you notes to each person because we recognized their gesture of doing "something" in honor of my father.īut wasn't that telling them that next time, they should repeat the same thing for others who might not appreciate it? Sure enough, when my mother passed away a few months ago, we went through the same exercise. While this might seem worthy to the giver, it bothered me. ![]() Although many honored that request, many more instead gave money to their churches for a certain number of Masses, or even perpetual Masses, to be said for his soul. When he died, our family requested that in lieu of flowers, people make donations to an educational foundation he and my mother set up, or to the wonderful hospice facility that cared for him so well in his final weeks. He was not a religious man, strictly a "weddings and funerals" kind of person when it came to church, and did not hold clergy in high regard. DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father passed away two years ago. ![]()
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